Do you remember your final thoughts before falling asleep last night? Quite possibly, you were replaying feelings of concern, doubt, lack, or frustration from your day. It’s not intentional–your brain is wired to focus on threats, so you’re better prepared for the next problem and more likely to be safe. It’s called negativity bias, and it causes you to fixate on “the bad stuff,” like criticism over compliments, worries over wins, and disappointments over delights.
An old parable tells the story of a farmer and his son. Events in the story are labeled as good or bad by others, but the farmer only says, “Good, bad, who’s to say?” He observes life without bias, and, in the end, he views all of the events through a positive lens. His mental spotlight shines on positivity!
It’s easy to fall into a cycle of feeling like what we have isn’t enough, constantly wishing for something different or better. We groan over what’s gone wrong instead of cheering over what’s gone right. With this focus, it’s nearly impossible to feel satisfied, happy, or content. So how do we break the cycle? Actually, the simple act of saying “thank you” ignites a new pathway in our brains toward gratitude–a pathway leading to less stress, calmer rest, and more overall happiness.
Expressing real gratitude is more than using good manners or observing a seasonal tradition. When practiced genuinely, gratitude trains your attention on “the good stuff.” Essentially, you’re turning your mental spotlight to shine on what’s favorable in your life. This forces you to notice what is working and acknowledge the people and moments that make life more bearable–and beautiful–as it rewires your brain toward an optimism bias, meaning you’ll start perceiving the best of situations automatically.
Family therapist Emma McAdam explains that gratitude helps your brain release dopamine and serotonin–feel-good chemicals that boost your overall well-being. She suggests listing several things you are grateful for each day; these don’t have to be life-altering events. It’s as simple as appreciating buttered toast, friends, a safe home, clean water, or even a new idea. This form of recognition, when done consistently, builds emotional resilience and softens the impact of disappointments, worries, and criticisms.
Motivational speaker Tony Robbins famously says, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” Imagine receiving critical feedback on a project. Your negativity bias might say, “I’m terrible at this–never again!” You feel defeated. But, if you’ve built a habit of gratitude, your focus shifts, and your brain is more likely to respond with, “Even though that was tough, I’m grateful for an opportunity to grow. And here’s how I’ve made progress already . . .” That shift keeps you from dropping into doubt or frustration and helps you celebrate your wins!
Gratitude doesn’t deny that challenges exist, but it helps put problems in perspective by reminding you that they’re not the whole story. The expression of gratitude keeps that negativity bias from dominating your mood or worldview, and, when you’re experiencing positive emotions, you’re more resilient when problems do come up. As we enter National Gratitude Month this November, intentionally noticing and naming what you’re thankful for as you drift off to sleep is a wonderful way to start shifting your focus and rewiring your brain. I hope you’ll join me in building this habit–I’ll be thankful for you, my readers, as well as daily gifts like drinking hot tea, watching the sun rise, and walking my dogs. Let’s remember, this is more than a seasonal theme. Gratitude is a way of life. The power of giving thanks is transformational!
