As we continue looking at some steps we can take to turn even the toughest conversations into opportunities for building stronger relationships, we can’t overlook the importance of being very intentional about showing how much we genuinely value the individual we’re interacting with. I realize this may seem like a given, especially since this column has always been focused on effective communication with our friends and family, but
I don’t believe we can simply expect those folks to always feel that value when our approach may not necessarily show it! I once heard a story about a couple in marriage counseling. The wife was upset because of how long it had been since her husband told her that he loved her. When the counselor questioned him on this, he replied that he told he that her loved her when they got married and if anything changed, he’d be sure to let her know…
While I doubt any of us miss the mark that much in showing we value others, we can’t just assume they always know! And realistically, I’ve never known anyone to invest into something they don’t value so this will tie right back to what we looked at last time…
Most of the work that Cindy and I do is focused on helping leaders of organizations build stronger and more effective relationships with the members of their teams; relationships that yield measurable improvement in the company’s bottom line. Just recently, I was asked to speak with a group of business owners from across the country who are part of a specific industry peer group. One of the topics they requested guidance on was “how to have radical conversations.” What they really wanted was a way to address a tough situation with a team member without feeling extremely uncomfortable… One thing we’ve noticed through the work we do it that owning a company or having a fancy title does very little to make these types of conversations easier!
Let’s face it, this isn’t all that different from the tough conversations we need to have with friends or family. Any time we need to engage in one of those “radical conversations,” we’d do well to make sure the persons we’re talking with has a clear understanding of how much we value them. And if I’m being honest, I can’t think of many scenarios where I’d be willing to have one of these tough conversations unless I really did value the individual I’m having it with. Whether we’re in the role of manager, parent, or friend, these can be difficult for us to initiate. Even then though, the individual on the receiving end may not automatically feel valued. This is where we’ll need to invest extra energy so we can be sure they know how much we really care for them, how much potential we see in them, and that we genuinely want the best for them. When we show them that, and tough conversation we have is much more likely to be received as guidance rather than taken as unwanted criticism.
Once we’ve invested into the relationship and we’ve made sure they know we value them, there’s something we need to consider before diving into an issue – because it may not be their issue to begin with – so that’s what we’ll look at next…
