“One is The Loneliest Number That You’ll Ever Do”: Reflections on Feeling Alone
Three Dog Night recorded the Song “One” which was written by Harry Nilsson in 1969; it was the second release on their first album and reached #5 on the U. S. Billboard Chart. The first line made famous by the group in that song: “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.” When I heard Three Dog Night at a street concert in Kansas City in the 1990s, I don’t remember if I heard the song “One.” My all-time favorite Three Dog Night song is “Joy to the World” and I definitely heard that. When Three Dog Night performed in concert at the Shenandoah Valley Music Festival in Orkney Springs, Va. last summer, both songs were on the playlist. Last summer, my late husband had been gone less than a year, and the song “One” struck a chord. For the first time in my life, I was living by myself. One person was in my household: me. And I know from past experience as well as hearing from others, the holidays coming up, Thanksgiving and Christmas, can be a lonely time of year.
Recently, in an NPR “Fresh Air” program on October 16, 2024, John Powers reviewed Michel Houellebecq’s latest book Annihilation. The opening line in this novel (which Powers describes as having “A sense of doom – social and personal…”) reads: “Particularly if you’re single, some Mondays in late November or early December make you feel as if you’re in death’s waiting-room.”
An article by Ken Budd in the September/October 2024 Saturday Evening Post entitled “What Makes a Good Life” explores human happiness and the impact of not having close relationships on health. Budd interviewed Dr. Robert Waldinger, the director of “the longest-running study on human happiness” (the Harvard Study of Adult Development.) The Harvard study began in 1938 and continues. Budd mentions that Dr. Waldinger’s advice for being happy can be summed up with these words: “Make friends, keep friends, treasure friends.” Sounds like the song we sang in rounds in music class when I was a child: “Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.” “The biggest takeaway from the decades of data is surprisingly simple” according to Budd. Budd quotes Waldinger “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier – period.”
Budd mentioned that “researchers asked subjects who they could call in the middle of the night if they were sick or scared.” Although most people in the study could list a few people, some could not name anyone that they could call. Some of the impact when people are isolated listed by Waldinger:
“they are less happy, they sleep less soundly, their health and brain functioning declines sooner, and they live shorter lives that those who aren’t lonely. A 2022 report from the American Heart Association found that social isolation and loneliness increase the risk of heart attack and stroke. Who could YOU call in the middle of the night?
This statistic was cited in Budd’s article on the number of lonely people: thirty percent of adults report feeling lonely at least once a week. An American Psychiatric Association report released in January, 2024, shows that 10 percent of us feel lonely every day.
But all is not lost: strengthening relationships and creating new friendships can be done at any age, according to Dr. Waldinger, who notes that “the people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. But he says it is never too late! Tips on strengthening relationships mentioned by Dr. Waldinger are “Use the internet the right way, follow your passions, reconnect with old friends, repair damaged relationships, connect with strangers, cultivate relationships.”
To ensure your own health and happiness, move from “one” on your own, to “cultivate warm relationships,” says Waldinger. It may not be easy, but it “ensures your own health and happiness,” he says. And if you are a person with many warm relationships in your life, don’t ignore others who might be living in a world of one, struggling with being alone, and needing connections with others.
As we enter November and December, let’s all remember that the holidays can be quite lonely for the “ones;” let’s be thankful if we have more people around us and supporting us, and at the same time, reach out to those who might need someone!
