“Trudging the road to happy destiny, walking with purpose.”
Those are words that Desailles Carter lives by today.
It was not always her motto. If you were to meet Desailles now, you would never know the trials and depths of despair this woman went through to be where she is today.
From age 13, and possibly earlier, the former Maryland native turned to a life where alcohol, and later drugs, ruled her very being.
A compelling life story, fraught with ups, downs, and addiction, may not be what you would expect, when you see Desailles Carter today.
From kindergarten on, Desailles had trouble in school. Being what is now called dyslexic, she had tutors, and was later put on a regimen of medication by doctors who thought it would help with her hyperactivity.
At barely 16, she left home, running away with a friend, toward the excitement of California. As she says, “It still totally blows me away to this day, that I have lived very different lives on this journey of mine. I chased anything that would make me feel better. My addictions led me to a lifestyle that was definitely that of a wild child who was up for anything!”
Although her travels brought her many interesting adventures, the haze of alcohol was always surrounding her very being.
Desailles recounts some interesting stories- some of the highs were meeting and chatting with comedienne Phyllis Diller outside of a store, hanging out in Balboa Park and Venice Beach, being with the Hell’s Angels, getting a part as an extra in a B movie! There were also the very lows of blackouts, being alienated from her family, and being homeless due to her addictions. There are countless stories, worthy of a book, and she survived them all.
Despite the excitement of living on the edge, dark and dangerous times arrived, and she somehow made it back to the east coast. Even there, things did not get better for a long time – in and out of rehabs, emergency rooms, and jail.
“I was able to get off the drugs eventually, but alcohol was a whole different matter. It was literally my master and just about killed me.”
Alcoholism is a disease. Once you start, the body just wants more. It can take you to depths you never imagined, and it can be a deep hole that some can never climb out of.
She eventually found Alcoholics Anonymous, although it took a while for it to work for her. People have to want to accept the help. Addiction knows no societal boundaries, it can happen to anyone.
She also found her Prince Charming, Brian Carter, got married, and was alcohol free. During their time together, Desailles had a relapse that lasted 8 years. One October day, sitting on her porch, about to sip yet another beer, the realization hit her, something clicked in her brain, that it was time to stop. She has now been 18 years completely sober since that relapse, with no intentions of ever returning to alcohol. Brian always had her back. Desailles is happy her mother lived long enough to see her recovery, and that it has brought about reconciliation with her sister.
“Sometimes, if you are quiet enough, you can almost hear the violets grow. It is wonderful to be free from the bondage of self.”
As part of her ongoing recovery, Desailles has been speaking at different AA meetings in the area. Sharing her story is part of the recovery process, in the hopes that it will give others the courage to move on and free themselves from their addictions. She is living proof, that it can be done! It may take some longer that others, but if the will is there, there is a way, and support for the journey.
Alcoholics Anonymous was founded in 1935 by two men – Bill Wilson (aka Bill W.) and Robert Smith (aka Dr. Bob). It grew from 100 members in 1939, to a non-profit, world-wide organization.
The basic principles of AA are known as the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.
In summary, paraphrasing the Twelve Steps:
1- we admitted we were powerless over alcohol….
2-came to believe a power greater than ourselves….
3-made our decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God, as we understood him
4-take inventory….
5-admit to God, ourselves and another the exact nature of our wrongdoings
6-ready to have God remove these defects of character
7-humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings
8 and 9-list and make amends to all we have harmed….
10-continue to take personal inventory, admit when wrong
11-prayer and meditation
12-Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
If you think you have a problem with drugs or alcohol, and wish to find help, there are local and totally anonymous meetings held in Harrisonburg and Timberville.
Home of the Heart, 364 S. Main St, Timberville lower level, Tuesdays and Fridays, 7pm-8pm
The Club,120 Waterman Drive, Harrisonburg 22802
Blue Ridge Area Intergroup – 800-835-6130 call for information on locations and times of AA meetings in your area
www.aa.org
