By Chris Gilbert
“Just wait until…”
I hate this phrase. It might be one of the phrases that bugs me the most, especially as a parent. I find it invalidating, I find it dismissive, I find it rude.
To be clear, I mean the long-term usage. Sometimes, you do have to wait for something to happen. And if I’ve used it (non-sarcastically) towards you, I sincerely apologize. Also, to note, no one has said it to me recently enough for it to be a reaction!
As a new parent, you hear it a lot. It doesn’t really go away with time; it just gets used differently and typically less as we pass the milestones. You’ve heard it – you might have even used it.
“Oh, just wait until he starts talking, then you’re in trouble!”
“Just you wait until she starts walking; you’ll spend every waking moment (and a few sleeping moments) chasing her!”
“Just wait until…” She turns 2*. He turns 3. She’s in school. He gets a girlfriend. They are in college. They get married.
Now, I understand this typically comes from a place of love. But it brings to light the very nature of intention vs. perception. It may be said with the best of intent – that this too shall pass, that you’ll see greater challenges than this. But it can be perceived as “bad? You think THIS is bad?” Just. You. Wait.
My experience as a parent is that every day is learning. When they’re fresh, it’s all about getting through each day and getting the cycle down. Why are they crying this time? Try food, check the butt, get some interactive time, put them down to sleep. Rinse and repeat as needed. But just you wait until…
They start following a regular schedule. You find time in between to cook, to clean, to watch TV, to listen to podcasts, to focus on yourself. Then, they start to sleep through the night. You can tell they’re listening when you talk to them. They’re listening when you read to them.
They start talking. Honestly, this is the one thing I genuinely will say: “Just wait until” – though it’s more “just hold out until..” they start talking. At that point you become more of a team to problem-solve. Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Is your diaper full? Are you uncomfortable? Sure, they learn the word “No!” pretty quickly (why does it always seem to have the exclamation mark?) – but it winds down the guessing game and becomes an interaction.
Then they become mobile. Crawling, walking, running, butt-shuffling as my brother used to do. If it isn’t nailed down, it better be.
