I shared the idea of heart strings with you last time so let’s pick up there with where those come from and what they result in! In doing that, I referenced a quote from “The Law of Connection” in The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, “Leaders touch a heart before they ask for a hand.” Before I openly challenge something one of my favorite authors of all time wrote, there are a few things I’d like you to consider…
In that same chapter, John Maxwell quotes Bill Walsh, former head coach of the San Francisco 49ers as saying, “Nothing is more effective than sincere, accurate praise, and nothing is more lame than a cookie-cutter compliment.” I’ve emphasized that idea with hundreds of supervisors, managers, and business owners when helping them develop an effective performance evaluation process for their teams; don’t just say Good Job!, be sure to explain exactly what that team member is doing well and how it ties into the organization’s goals. I also stress that they can’t be afraid to be very specific about where that team member can improve, and what that improvement is necessary. I’ve met very few people who just want to do a bad job, and I’ll bet that’s true for you too, so it usually just boils down to understanding what Good Job actually looks like…
While that example is from the workplace, how can you relate it back to your personal relationships? I remember playing catch with our son in the yard years ago. Yelling at him about what not to do never seemed to result in what I wanted him to do. However, being specific about what he was doing well and explaining how and why he needed to do certain things differently did. Approaching him that way also helped keep him from telling his mother I was being mean to him, but that’s a story for another time…
Another point John makes about The Law of Connection is that “the stronger the relationship and connection between individuals, the more likely the follower will want to help the leader.”
Don’t misunderstand how “follower” and “leader” apply here. This isn’t about positional control, it’s about earning influence with the people we care about. That’s leadership regardless of the situation! When we’re intentional about building a connection that touches a heart, there’s a pretty strong change you’ll get more than just a hand. And the stronger that relationship becomes, the less likely it will be that you’ll even have to ask!
