Last time, I shared what I heard Marcus Buckingham say about being able to love just 20% of all the things we’re required to do, and how he emphasized that we can choose to do any task lovingly. I’m fast paced in nearly everything I do, and I naturally focus far more on what I’m working to accomplish than on the emotions of the people involved in that process with me. As Cindy can attest, that’s created an issue or two over the years… That fast-paced and task-oriented approach to nearly everything I put my hand to made it a bit difficult for me to get my head around how I could possibly do even the things I detest lovingly, or why it mattered. And then I thought about how much better my life is when I’m not completely alienating the people I’m doing those tasks for as quickly as I can. When we have a clear and definite purpose we’re working toward, and especially when that purpose connects with the relationships we have with our friends and family, doing something lovingly isn’t as much of a stretch.
As I wrote Leading With A Clear Purpose, which is scheduled to be published on 2/20/25 and you may still be able to pre-order the ebook for just $.99 on Amazon as you read this, I revisited something I read by Napoleon Hill more than twenty years ago. In the foreword to The Master Key to Riches, Hill said, “We have never yet found a truly happy person who was not engaged in some form of service by which others were benefited. And we do know many who are wealthy in material things, but have not found happiness.” While my newest book is geared more toward leadership in a business setting, sharing Hill’s comment certainly isn’t exclusive to what you or I do to earn a living.
I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a relationship – between the closest of friends and certainly not between family members – that didn’t require at least one of the parties involved to make some sort of concession or to take one for the team so to speak. In differentiating managing the actions of a group and leading a team of people, I frequently share what I’ve heard John Maxwell say for close to twenty-five years now; “Leadership is influence. Nothing more, nothing less.” I’ve known plenty of people who had the authority to dictate orders when they’re hovering over their minions but had no influence over how that behavior continued when they walked away. Our personal relationship will never be built on exerting authority. The only way we’ve earn genuine influence in those relationships will be through serving the people we care about – and in many cases, that will require doing things we don’t really want to do. If we want to have just the slightest chance of doing those things lovingly, having a clear and definite purpose can make all the difference.
Cindy and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary soon. During that time, I can assure you that we’ve both done a bunch of things we wanted no part of to please (or at least pacify) one another. It can be pretty evident that we’re doing something for a friend of family member begrudgingly when we don’t really want to do it. But when there’s a definite purpose behind it, like how much we care about the person or how much we value our relationship with them, we may have a shot at doing that task lovingly – we’ll just need to be sure make that connection, and that’s what we’ll work through next month.
